“The right woman won’t complete you—she’ll complement you. The wrong one will drain you.”

I once had a friend, James, who seemed to have it all together—successful career, great sense of humor, and a solid group of friends. But when it came to relationships, he had a blind spot. He kept choosing women who were exciting at first, but within months, he found himself walking on eggshells, constantly drained by drama and emotional chaos.

One night over drinks, he told me, “Man, I think I’m just bad at relationships.” But the truth? It wasn’t him. It was the women he was choosing.

Finding the right relationship isn’t about luck—it’s about recognizing the traits that create a strong foundation and refusing to settle for anything less. If you’ve ever found yourself in James’s shoes, this guide is for you.

Before diving in, check out Relationship Red Flags: Signs You Shouldn’t Ignore so you can identify and avoid the wrong relationships before they start.

1. She Supports Your Growth—Not Stands in the Way of It

A healthy relationship isn’t about losing yourself—it’s about becoming the best version of yourself. The right woman will inspire you, push you to grow, and celebrate your victories.

Think about this: Is she excited about your ambitions, or does she roll her eyes when you talk about them?

I once dated a woman who made little sarcastic comments whenever I mentioned a new business idea. “Oh, another one of your big plans?” she’d say with a smirk. It wasn’t outright discouragement, but it chipped away at my confidence over time. A supportive partner doesn’t need to agree with everything you do, but she should believe in you—even when you doubt yourself.

Surrounding yourself with people who elevate you is critical. That includes your partner. If you want to level up in life, consider adding Tribe of Mentors by Tim Ferriss to your reading list. It’s packed with wisdom from top performers in every field.

2. She’s Emotionally Mature (No Drama Queens Allowed)

Let’s be real—attraction can make you ignore some serious red flags. But one of the most underrated traits in a woman is emotional stability. A woman who can handle stress, communicate without exploding, and own her emotions will make your life infinitely better.

Contrast that with the woman who throws tantrums, shuts down when things get tough, or constantly tests you. That’s not passion—it’s emotional immaturity.

A few years ago, I dated someone who turned every disagreement into a full-blown war. If I didn’t text back fast enough? Silent treatment. If I didn’t read her mind? Accusations of not caring. The stress of constantly managing someone else’s emotions is exhausting—and it’s not love.

Want to avoid the emotional rollercoaster? Look for a woman who can handle conflict with calm and respect. Trust me, your sanity will thank you.

For men who struggle with emotional intelligence themselves, The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book is a must-read.

3. She Adds to Your Life—Not Drains It

A great relationship should feel like an asset, not a liability. You should be happier, more confident, and more energized—not constantly anxious, tired, or questioning yourself.

A healthy woman will bring peace, joy, and stability to your life. You’ll feel safe, respected, and appreciated. A toxic woman will keep you on edge, make you second-guess yourself, and leave you mentally exhausted.

One simple test? Ask yourself: Do I feel relieved when I’m away from her? Or do I genuinely enjoy our time together? If you find yourself looking for escape, you already have your answer.

For deeper self-awareness, check out The Mountain Is You. It’s a powerful book about breaking negative patterns in life and relationships.

4. She Brings Out Your Best, Not Your Worst

Some relationships bring out confidence, ambition, and joy. Others bring out insecurity, jealousy, and frustration. Pay attention to which version of yourself she brings out.

I once had a friend, Eric, who was a funny, outgoing guy—until he got into a relationship with someone who constantly criticized him. He stopped joking around, became hesitant in social settings, and slowly turned into someone he didn’t even recognize. That’s what a bad relationship does—it shrinks you.

On the flip side, a healthy woman will make you feel more like yourself. She’ll encourage you to step into your potential, not hold you back.

Looking to build your confidence back up? Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins is a powerful book on mental toughness.

5. You’re Attracted to More Than Just Her Looks

Let’s be honest—physical attraction is important. But if that’s all that’s holding the relationship together, it won’t last.

Ask yourself: If you removed her looks from the equation, would you still be excited to be around her? If the answer is no, it’s time to reconsider.

Attraction should run deeper than appearances. A great relationship is built on connection, respect, and shared values—not just chemistry.

Conclusion: Choose Wisely—Your Future Depends On It

The woman you choose will impact your happiness, success, and overall quality of life. Choose well, and you’ll have a partner who makes life more fulfilling. Choose poorly, and you’ll end up wasting time, energy, and emotional peace.

Want to make sure you’re choosing the right woman? Check out our the The Ultimate Guide to Finding an Incredible Woman [For You].